The forgetting bit isn't why I'm feeling sheepish.
I have had a chequered history with dating sites, and have dipped in and out of a few of them over the years, with the last couple of years definitely veering more towards the 'out' side of the continuum.
If memory serves the thing which enticed me to try out this one, when I signed up at having-drunk-most-of-a-bottle-of-wine-o'clock late one night, was the fact that it was aimed at 'creatives'. I know, I know...that term makes me cringe a bit as well, but let's face it. As far as dating website specialisms go, I'm much more likely to meet the man of my dreams (or a man with whom I can at least stomach the thought of spending an evening with which, at this early-slash-horribly-awkward-slash-really-quite-petrifying stage is all I'm really hoping for) on a site marketed at creatives than somewhere like sugar daddies dot com or uniform dating.
And do not even START me on Tinder.
Anyway, I signed up to this site, and thought no more about it, until months and months later, notifications began to appear in my inbox. I was receiving messages from members of the site. Messages which began like this:
hi
you so attractive my lady
My
dearest one!
hello
you look pretty . i am looking for true and real love
Nice
photo sweetie.
Hello
pretty angel how are you doing??
I
must confess that you are a sweet and lovely looking lady.
Hello my beautiful friend with radiant smile. I would not trade any of that smile
Let me clarify something: I wasn't receiving these sorts of messages in among the normal ones. THESE WERE THE ONLY SORTS OF MESSAGES I WAS GETTING.
I was a bit annoyed. I didn't reply to any of them, which felt rude, but I didn't know what else to do because in my head the replies I had composed looked like this:
hi you so attractive my lady
Hi you person who can't compose an actual sentence.
My dearest one!
Um.....do I know you?
hello you look pretty . i am looking for true and real love
Of course you are. But only with someone who looks pretty? Meanwhile, I am looking for someone who knows how to use capital letters.
Nice photo sweetie.
SWEETIE? We haven't even met.
Hello pretty angel how are you doing??
Again - what's with the nickname? WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET.
I must confess that you are a sweet and lovely looking lady.
Well.....if you must. I mean, don't make me force your arm or anything.
Hello my beautiful friend with radiant smile. I would not trade any of that smile
We are not friends. And I am not entirely clear which part of that smile the other people the ones who would trade any of it in - might be willing to trade. Three teeth? A bottom lip?
I'm being harsh, perhaps. But it began to drive me nuts. These sorts of messages came once a week or so, and NO OTHER MESSAGES CAME and it got to the stage where every time another notification arrived I rushed to check it, hoping to find the exception to the rule. Surely not everyone on the site can be this shallow, I thought to myself. A site which is marketed at 'creatives' must attract a small number of people, at least, who can use punctuation. Where are THOSE people?
Eventually I began to get quite angry. After all, I'd spent time writing a profile to describe myself, to communicate some of my interests, my values, my attributes....and all that these men were prepared to comment about was my appearance - and my appearance in a pretty ropey headshot at that. (What I haven't even mentioned yet is that most of these messages went on to request private contact details and at least half of them asked if I had Skype.)
Tonight another notification arrived (from Mr 'Hi you so attractive my lady') and I was so mad I decided to review the profile which these idiots (and I'm sorry, but they DO seem like idiots) have all steadfastly been ignoring.
You can probably guess what's coming next.
Yup. Somehow, I had completely forgotten to fill that section in. So here I've been, cursing this stupid website, and these stupid men for the last few months, when it turns out I'm the kind of girl who just slaps up a photo (and a pretty ropey head-shot at that) and then sits back, waiting for some attention, as if her appearance is all that matters.
Oops.
So I have decided to do a little experiment. I've now written a brief, and very honest profile. Instead of spending hours agonising over the perfect combination of words to present myself in the best possible light I just wrote down all the things I thought I'd want someone to know about me early on. It looks like this:
Ah...turns out I had forgotten to fill this in. OK. Well, I'm originally from Australia but pretty settled in London now, after living here for 13 or so years. Work involves doing a mix of things mostly in the (primary) education sector - I work freelance and do a bit of teacher training, create education programs, write teaching and learning resources and occasionally run workshops for kids. I also write fiction and love stories of any kind...whether in print, on the big screen, or just on the telly.
Other interests involve food / cooking / eating , travelling, music and comedy....I've just realised what a generic collection of hobbies that sounds! But the fact remains, those are the things I like.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here....but do any of us??! Would definitely be up for a chat or drinks with someone who is down to earth, can have a laugh, and shares similar interests....
It's nothing special, but it will be interesting to see if anything changes as a result. To be honest, I'm not holding my breath, but I would quite like it if all the things I have been thinking about this site, and about men in general, turn out to be wrong.
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